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I strike the match.

I strike the match and
nothing happens.

I strike the match
and the wind blows out
the flame.

I strike the match and
the girl with the dragon ring
grabs the matches and
crushes them with her heel.

But she holds up the sparkler
as if it were burning.
For Writers-Workshop's August Workshop on Dr. William Carlos Williams' poetry.

What do you guys think?

Inspired by Canada Day 2014.
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:iconsnowstormninja24:
SnowStormNinja24 Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2015
I was reading another piece here on dA when I saw the thumbnail for your poem on the side of the page. The few lines that I could see where so intriguing that I just had to click the thumbnail to read the rest of the poem. I'm glad I did! I really like the poem~ :clap:
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2015  Student Writer
Thank you! I'm so happy it caught your attention like that. I really appreciate the comment. :heart:
Reply
:iconsnowstormninja24:
SnowStormNinja24 Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2015
You're very welcome! :hug:
Reply
:iconarthisa:
Arthisa Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Ooh, this is really nice! To be honest, I think I might have liked this better without "the girl with the dragon ring". I don't dislike it, but I think it brings a specific kind of color to the poem (a kind of more fanciful, fantastic tone) where I don't think it was needed. It is pretty cool though. The last image is the most powerful. I still think you can tweak the wording a little though, maybe add an adverb ("still", "yet"?). The rhythm in the next-to-last line is a little bit off in my opinion (I like the last line as it is). One idea to maybe play with would be to break down the line into two lines...
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:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much for the input! I'm glad you liked it. I agree that the rhythm in the last line is a little off.
Reply
:iconarthurthebraveone:
ArthurTheBraveOne Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I just came here to express my love for this piece. Love the way your final stanza is now, too :)
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :hug: Glad you liked it. :D
Reply
:iconbluestanza:
BlueStanza Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is lovely and reminds me of the old tale of the little match girl.  She was an orphan that lived on the streets selling matches.  One winter day, it was so cold, that she took all of the matches and lit them just to feel the brief warmth.  Then, of course, she froze to death, but dreamed of warmth and fires and family as she passed away. :(
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Student Writer
That story always made me cry when I was a kid. :(

I never connected those two pieces though, that's really interesting! Thank you. :)
Reply
:iconbluestanza:
BlueStanza Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Lol, me too! You're very welcome. ^^
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014  Student Writer
Oh this is by far my favorite one. :heart:

I'll make another contribution to the rewording of your last stanza, haha. Perhaps you could do this:

She holds up the sparkler
anyway
just as if it were burning.


or

And she holds up the sparkler
anyway
as if it were burning.


But yeah, that's the only part I'd suggest you play with. This is really lovey.
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! Yeah, that seems to be a troubled stanza. ;P Thanks for the suggestions. :)
Reply
:icondrippingwords:
DrippingWords Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2014  Student Writer
:iconpirateglompplz:

You're welcome. I hope you can work something out that makes you happy!
Reply
:icongnuboarder:
GNUBoarder Featured By Owner Edited Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Love it! :-) Like a few of the others I am having a small issue with the last stanza though. "But" and "anyway" seem almost a little redundant to me. Perhaps if you remove "But", replace it with "Then" and leave "anyway", it will allow you to also remove "just" without beating up too bad on the rhythm.

Then she holds up the sparkler
anyway
as if it were burning.

Just a thought :-)
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student Writer
Ooh, interesting! Thanks so much for the lovely comment and then input. :D
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Agreed with cutting the two words. I feel like it's on the verge of being rally powerful and all that's needed is a few minor tweaks.

That said, I think it's just me but I am hung up on why the dragon ring. I don't think it should be explained though.
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Student Writer
I'm still debating about the two words. The rhythm just feels sort of off without them. :shrug:

Thank you so much for the input! :) And ah yes, the dragon ring. ;)
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
What if you dropped the up and tried something like like instead of as if?
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:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Student Writer
"But she holds the sparkler
just like it's burning"? Interesting.
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
no just
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Student Writer
(Sorry for pestering you with this.)

What about this:

"But she holds the sparkler
like it's burning anyway."

Or maybe a line break between burning/anyway? I sort of like the anyway. ;P
Reply
:iconneurotype:
neurotype Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
No no it's not pestering at all ;p

Hmm I liked the 'were' more. Can't say why in as many words, perhaps the sound, although the brevity of 'it's' allows you to do different things.... If you need to keep the anyway, though, given that it is the title (which, as was once pointed out to me, the title is a great place to dump a word that has no place in the poem itself)

But she holds the sparkler
anyway
as if it were burning

I just don't know! I really am not the best person to ask about meter, I have a bad time hearing it.
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student Writer
All right, I think I've come up with something I'm happy with. Thank you so much for all the help!
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Edited Aug 20, 2014   Writer
Really nice work! I especially like the repetition and progression, how you widen your image as the poem moves forward. The one suggestion I'd have is to delete the "anyway / just" in the last stanza; it's not necessary for the meaning, and I think it would make the poem stronger.
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :) Mmh, I'll have to think about that. Thank you for the input, though. :D
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Edited Aug 20, 2014   Writer
Just a thought. :heart: Beautifully done, either way. I can't get this one out of my mind.
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you again. :)
Reply
:iconblackbowfin:
BlackBowfin Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Great poem.

I always admired the smooth simplicity and timing of his work.
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :)
Reply
:iconblackbowfin:
BlackBowfin Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You are quite welcome. :)
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Fantastic piece. :heart:
Reply
:iconguineveretogwen:
GuinevereToGwen Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you, Ricky! :D
Reply
:iconchromeantennae:
chromeantennae Featured By Owner Aug 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My pleasure! :)
Reply
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